Ok. As promised, here is my new idea: Talking For Cash

It's a good day. A mass murderer is dead and my new idea is almost complete. I will be launching it within a week. If this doesn't make me rich, nothing will. Saying that made me sad just now. Sad face :(

So, I've got a pretty good idea for a new site. I think it just might be a million-dollar idea. I'm going to get to work on it and it should be ready soon. In the meantime, you know what to do.

Also, I wanted to let you know about a comedy podcast I've been doing for a few months now. Unlike this site, it is very adult-oriented and not for everyone. In fact, it's downright offensive, but if I don't cross-promote then I'm not a very good marketer, and I am a very good marketer. Here's the comedy podcast i'm talking about. I'm the unfunny guy.

Other than that, I'm just working every day hoping for a day where I no longer have to. It's not that I don't like to work, it's that i don't like to have to work. Freedom isn't free.

Well, a whole year flew by and I'm not exactly sure where to start...

I didn't have to file for bankrupcy, but the three houses I owned went into foreclosure and guess what? It wasn't the end of the world.

I still have a working credit card with all the credit I need and was able to pay off all of my debt. I traded in the Hummer monstrocity complete with it's $700/month loan and got a sensible and attractive Nissan Juke instead (which saves me lots of gas and will be a lot more reliable than that piece of crap I was driving previously. I also talked to an attorney and an accountant and they helped me figure out my tax situation in a way which erased my debt and even provided me with a refund!

So the lesson here is: when things are bad, eventually they'll get better... unless you die first that is.

Holy crap, am I screwed.

Here's what happened: Have you ever read the book "Rich Dad Poor Dad?" Well, neither have I, but I have skimmed through it on occasion while standing in line at Borders waiting to pay for my GQ magazine. it would be pompous to subscribe. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah..

My point is that in that book the author explains that the "other half" of us aren't taught certain lessons buy our parents, basically because our parents never learned them. These lessons include smart money management, the importance of a good eduucation, and certain legal and accounting loopholes. One of the latter allows the IRS to tax people on their debt. SURPRISE!

It goes like this...

I was a young 30something, and in love. I met a girl who kinda liked me. She didn't have any growths on her face and the right number of limbs so I asked her to marry me. I didn't have any money and a lot of debt so I asked my mom for a handout so i could pay off my credit cards in order to be able to use the credit to buy a ring. Lesson #1: if you're going to get married, don't try and clear out your debt first if the person you're marrying is also in debt.

So i bought said ring and we moved to Atlanta, Georgia where her family was trying to start a new business and wanted us to run it. Lesson #2: Don't get in bed with the family.

Turns out I used all that free available credit to get ourselves even deeper in the whole while writing a check out to my wife's father for the right to run his crappy business. It failed. So I relied on the fact that I had obtained a pretty decent job at a major telecom, however I wasn't satisfied. I wanted more. I deserved more. So I started trying to figure out how to get it. Soon the answer came.

It's called affiliate marketing and it was awesome. I could sit at the computer for 20 minutes a day, modify a few ads, and make over $300 a day. This money stream would keep running no matter what I was doing. Even while I was sleeping I was making money. I know this sounds like an infomercial, but I am not selling you anything. It is totally true. I couldn't believe it myself, yet I was cashing the checks again and again.

So I got used to it and I quit my real job, stupidly. Things weren't going well in my marriage. I ended up moving back into my parents house in Miami, because my wife at the time had me escorted out of my own house by the authorities after I took her laptop. I use the term "her laptop" loosely, because I had bought it. I suppose I should call it "our laptop", but it wouldn't be long before it became "her laptop" so i guess she was right.

It wouldn't be long before I got served divorce papers and a hefty bill from a divorce attorney. She ended up taking all of my assets. I ended up keeping all my liabilities, which included three investment properties that were upside down on their mortgages and wouldn't sell. I tried to make the payments and keep them rented out, but then all of my tenants decided to move. All of them. At the same time. The repair costs needed to fix these homes back up in order to rent them again was going to be so high, and I owed so much more than they were worth, that my real estate agent advised me to try to get rid of them via a short sale or deed in lieu.

It was around this time that my business started to really fail. In one month, I went from making around $220k a year to $30k and dropping fast. I was unable to pay my income taxes for that year and racked up a 30 thousand dollar debt to the IRS, but I set up a payment plan with them and eventually was able to lower that debt to $20k. The car I had recently bought became too expensive to keep, but I continued trying to make my payments like a responsible borrower. But the investment properties had to go. I simply couldn't keep paying thousands of dollars a month to keep them, while the local government continued to try to raise property taxes, while property values were falling.

I stopped making payments to Citibank and Wells Fargo and started inquiring about how to get a short sale or deed in lieu going. It took three months of faxing months of paperwork, then getting a letter saying they wanted something else, then faxing that, then calling and trying to speak to someone, not reaching the right department, getting transferred, waiting on hold for hours only to get hung up on, calling back, waiting, waiting, waiting. Then one day, three and a half months after making my last mortgage payment, I get a nice little letter saying that my application for a deed in lieu is rejected. No other explanation is stated. I call them back, wait on hold again, demand to speak to a supervisor of supervisors and after about two hours of being transferred around I finally get to speak to someone at Citibank. I explain my situation and ask why they would rather pay an attorney to take me to court for a foreclusure, rather than just accepting the deed back. This is what he seriously told me, "well, if we do that then we can't come after you for the difference."

I tell him that if they try to come after me I'll just file bankrupcy and they'll never see a penny plus incur litigation costs.

He says, "we'll take our chances."

It took them a year to finally get around to a foreclosure. Two of them last year and one held out until March of this year. Then about a week ago, I get a letter from Freddie Mac. It's a 1099. You see, when you have a debt "forgiven" by a financial institution, the difference between the loan amount and the value of the property at the time of the "forgiveness" is treated as ordinary income by the IRS. In other words, this money that I was not able to pay (this debt essentially) is being taxed. I had no idea that you could tax debt, or even worse: the inability to pay debt. A house I had bought at $87,500 was now valued at $17,000, which means I have to pay taxes on $70,000 that I never made, and I had three houses. This put me in a different tax bracket entirely. When tallied up, my total bill to the IRS will be over $100,000.

Bankrupcy, here I come.

TO BE CONTINUED

help me pay for a bankrupcy attorney

Since I spoke to you last I got a job, which may lead some of you to think that now you don't have to send me a dollar. Quite the contrary. The fact that I am now employed is reson enough for you to send me a dollar, because I'd rather be unemployed ...on a beach somewhere ...with a margarita

You're kidding me right?

A dancing bird gets national press coverage and I get nothing? Here's what I think of you, snowball...

Soon I'll be rich and you'll still be you. I feel sorry for you. You should be rich too, but you won't be because you don't come up with genius ideas like building a website to ask people for money on the Internet.

Don't be sad. It's not your fault that you're not as creative or interesting as I am. It's your parents' fault. They should have picked better candidates to procreate with to enrich your gene pool.

When I get rich, I'm going to buy a gene pool ...with a waterfall.

ALSO - Wanted to also send a 'holla' to my friends Capital Z & McG (otherwise known as Exclamation Mark) at Stereo Radiation. Stereo Radiation is a very funny Internet Radio Show from Michigan and they mentioned me last week which makes them brilliant too. So go listen to them after you donate all your money to me...

Guess what bitches? After 6 years and several loopty-loops on the financial rollercoaster that is my life... I'M BACK!

And I got some big plans for this here site. I'm talking total redesign, lotsa new fun features, audio and video, social networking, and all kinds of other cybercrap. Twitter, you'd better watch your ass. There's a new big boy in town and he's gonna be a millionaire.

So keep coming back and check in periodically for MMaM version 2.0!

Some guy named Keith just sent me $11 on Paypal. I haven't updated this site for 5 years! Not sure how he found the site or why he decided to be generous. There was no note or email explaining this. Guess I have to update the site now...

I'm so sick of you stupid people who have nothing better to do than me a loser and talk smack simply because you weren't smart enough to think of this idea yourself. I'm smarter than you. I'm better than you. And I'm not here to entertain you for free. So from now on, I hope you like the site because that's all you're going to get until I start seeing some serious money. Yeah that's right, I'm taking this baby hostage.

I have been getting lots of encouraging emails from many of you, which is weird. I wonder when public opinion changed about me. Public views can be so fickle. Example: The Bush Administration.

There is a guy that was sending me $5 every week cause he felt sorry for me. Last week he began sending me $10 a week. Excited by this news, I quickly pulled out a calculator and did advanced trigonometry. At this rate, it will take me 1,923 years to become a millionaire!

Well, it's better than never.

This complete moron sent me some hate mail with all sort of (expletive deleted) comments. I wrote the kind folks at hotmail and had his account closed down. It's good to be king.

That should teach you a lesson, you stupid (expletive deleted), (expletive deleted), (expletive deleted)ing son of a (expletive deleted) mother(expletive deleted), crack-smoking (expletive deleted) person you.

Great news all you poor pathetic penniless people out there! You no longer have to bother people like me with your silly questions on how to start up a beggar site. There is now a service that lets even a complete moron set up his/her own cyberbeggar site in minutes. Whether your a legitamate charity or a freeloading e-panhandler (like me) the service is complete free. Check it out, they did a great job: http://www.fundafriend.com.

I set up my own site in minutes. Check it: http://www.fundafriend.com/needs5.asp?id=82

I normally don't promote other sites but this site was set up by a group of guys in there spare time (much like my own site) and they did do an excellent job so they deserve a little free publicity.

:)

Even reporters are trying to get in on the action. Seems as though the International press loves me. That's probably because I give Europeans another reason to hate Americans. Oh well, just trying to do my part for capitalism.

By the way. I added a new area called Facts About Mike. Check it out!

I went out and bought a $70 thingamajiggy that will let me convert the Fox 5 interview into an MPG so that those of you who wish can view the interview right here on MakeMikeaMillionaire.com. This means that I am now negative, not that I wasn't before (web hosting costs money), but this site is mainly intended for your entertainment (and mine) so I figured it was worth it.

I'll be posting the segment next week. Hopefully Fox 5 won't sue me for copyright infringment or anything. If you're reading this and you're a Fox 5 lawyer: I'm poor, that's why I beg for money, so don't sue me. ok?

Oh yeah, if you want to help me pay for this thingamajiggy, please contribute to the thingamajiggy fund.

I've noticed that my weekly, if you can call them that, postings have been getting increasingly negative. If you've noticed this too rest assured that it is probably your fault. I'll explain...

It's no secret I generally don't like people. I have only a handful of people I call close friends and try to avoid the rest of em. Ocassionaly I'll get an email saying "go mike" or something to that effect. However, the majority of emails I get are pretty hateful and bitter. This leads me to the conclusion that most of you don't like people either. Especially people you don't know and have never actually met, like me.

I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about. I posted a classified ad the other day asking that someone tape the Fox 5 interview in DC for me and send me a tape in exchange for $20. I do not live in DC, and reception on this station from Miami is not quite good. I got a response from two individuals. The first demanded that I pay with a bank transfer. They said they did not take personal checks or credit card payments through Paypal. I didn't get a good vibe from this demand so I went with the second. Once I notified the first person that someone else had performed this service for me, they began attacking me via email and even posting false messages on my message board calling me a liar. All this unpleasentness over a measly $20.

I'm getting a little bit tired of all this electornic hate and from now on will only respond to it using the following phrase:

"Your Momma!"

Transcripts for the Fox 5 story are now available. Still haven't seen the segment. Hope I don't look too ugly on TV.

Saw the fat motorcycle cop pull over someone else at the exact sport he pulled me over yesterday. He's really fat, so he probably doesn't like to move from that spot unless he absolutely has to. He likes giving out tickets though. Fat bastard cop.

I put up some forums so you can discuss topics like how to build a cyber beggar site amongst yourselves. I charge a fee for consultations.

So, I'm famous now. The Fox 5 segment ran Monday night. A USA Today editor saw it and decided to list this as a Hot Site.

I've gotten over 1000 hits in two days and two dollars and thirty one cents. Why are you people so cheap? Can't you see we're talking about my dream here?

I asked someone to tape the interview and send it to me so I could post it on the site. Maybe I should charge you freeloaders to view it.

I got a ticket this morning. That's why I'm so pissy. A fat cop on a motorcycle pulled me over for running a yellow light. Yes, a yellow light. I know that's not against the law but cops in the state of Florida can do whatever they like and get away with it. I'm starting a pay my traffic ticket fund.

Ok so I've been doing this for 6 months now and I've gotten a whole $50 out of it. I've decided to slash prices on merchandise by almost 50%. It's a great time to get a Make Mike a Millionaire thong for your girlfriend. Or boyfriend ...eeewww!

I'm still waiting for some word that they aired the Fox News segment. Haven't seen any sort of spike in traffic yet, and I'm starting to think that the National Enquirer story was a hoax.

In other news, I hate my job more than you can possibly imagine. I've decided to get a real estate license and maybe give that a whirl as a career. Hey, it sounds like a plan.

The thing is, i just keep thinking: "There must be someone out there right now who is completely loaded beyond belief and wants to play a joke on all his/her decendants by leaving their entire fortune to me. There must be one person out there somewhere." I just need to find that person somehow. Now that would be newsworthy.

So I've been missing in action for a while, yet the hits continue to go up. I'm a marketing genius! ...and a humble one too

So what have I been doing, you ask? Well, I've been building a website for computer hardware reviews. I think its pretty fabulous. Here's the link is you want to judge for yourself: http://www.computercritics.com.

The idea is to create a place where dorks like me can say what they think about the high tech 200X Cutting-Edge, State-of-the-Art, Magneto Hybred Powered CD-Burner they just bought. Or a place where smarter consumers can read reviews about the latest high tech 200X Cutting-Edge, State-of-the-Art, Magneto Hybred Powered CD-Burner and choose not to buy because its unproven technology t doesn't work right.

This is what I have been doing with my time. This is why I'm poor.

Well time to look on the bright side of things. I'm still stressed about money, still only have $44, but at least I'm not this guy.

Oh one more thing. I don't do MLM (Multi Level Marketing). If you do, you shouldn't, and you should stop, and you should also stop sending me email.

This website doesn't seem to have worked very well. For one, I have less than $50 to show for it. I'm also getting requests from miscellaneous people asking me to help them make a website so that they can beg for money because they are not sufficiently motivated to even do that themselves. Do I look like a charity? Maybe a charity case, but not a charity organization!

My appearence on TV has been hampered by all this war coverage so now I have one more thing to hate republicans for. Now that I'm on the topic of work, have I mentioned how much i hate working yet? No? Oh, well then I hate working. please send money.

This week I have completely tried to watch as little news as i possibly can, and failed miserably. I now know more about scud missle, urban warefare, and Iraq's topography than anyone should ever care to know.

I received an email from someone last week claiming that I might be mentioned in a story in the National Enquirer. I might be placed right next to the three headed monkey that has had a secret love affair with Fidel Castro for the last two decades. We'll just have to wait and see...

Here's another cyberbeggar site I missed in my previous list: http://www.savemamahelene.com

See Y'all later. Watch out for the poison gas...

I've realized something very important this week. The more money people have, the cheaper they are.

Three new condo high-rises have been announced in my area. They're selling out faster than they can build em. What I can't figure out is who's buying them? I thought the economy was bad. I thought it was a tough time for everybody. Apparently not. As i typed that sentence another 10 half-a-million-dollar-condos sold out.

I decided to begin doing some grass-roots promo this week. I ordered a bunch of free business cards from Vistaprint that have the website address on them. I'm going to go to each of those fancy schmancy condos, fight my way past the guards, and leave a stack of them in the bathroom. Maybe some billionaire will decide to be generous while he's doing his "business".

In other news, in case you get bored of the steady stream of relentless war coverage, I will make a brief appearance on Fox 5 News out of DC next week. Ahhhhhh, I love being a celebrity...

I'm sick of hearing poeple ask me why I haven't updated the site in a month. No, I have not been busy duct-taping my house. There's a real simple amswer and it is listed on the home page in big, bold, black letters: $44.12. Do you expect me to entertain you for free? It doesn't work that way. I'm not a trained monkey sent here to amuse you. If you want to be amused, give me some money and maybe I'll consider posting something interesting.

I've been doing other things with my time lately that do actually pay back, like working and spending time with those I care about. What have you been doing with your time?

In other news, I was interviewed this week by The Courier-Journal from Louisville, KY and was told that I would be mentioned in an Associated Press article soon. Looks like cyber-begging isn't dead just yet, just taking a little nap.

Below is another shameless plug for my band. The CD is available from Ebay for $1.

Got permanently kicked off craigslist.com. Got an interesting letter from a clown. And I got two contributions this week. I said I would post something about myself for every contribution and I haven't had a chance to build that part of the site yet so I'll just post it here for the time being:

Fact #1 (1/6/03 - $1): I am very good cook.

Fact #2 (1/10/03 - $1.38): I prefer coffee, but often drink tea.

I can't beleive it. Another year has gone by. I'm still not filthy rich. Maybe I should think about making that a resolution this year. Nah, that's too hard. I need something easy like making the bed or cleaning the fridge.

I have been extraordinary lazy this week.

This week I joined a Webring. I figured if I can't beat em I might aswell join em. So far it has produced mild traffic. We'll see what happens.

I'm starting to think my friend was right about people not wanting to give me moeny cause no one feels sorry for me. In fact the last guy that gave me some moeny mentioned that the reason he had done so was because the website has made him cry. Not sure why it made him cry exactly. I don't consider it sad really, funny maybe, but not sad.

Maybe I need to change the tone of the site entirely. Use some drab colors. Talk about my struggle to survive and stuff like that. But then, it wouldn't really be honest now would it?

It's a little annoying when the local paper does a whole story on cyber-beeging and fails to research the subject thoroughly enough as to find out that there is someone locally doing just that. Morons. In any case I did get written up by the Toronto Star. A whole sentence and everything! And they failed to publish the site's address! What do you expect from a canadian newspaper...

Then I get email from random people saying that I'm not promoting myself properly and that I'm missing the bus (or the boat in my case). Well I wrote a press release and even paid a few bucks to have it put out on the wire. I can't help the fact that nobody picked it up.

You might ask why I'm whining so much. Well, I am a little dissapointed, or at least I was, until I got this. But last week's little temper tantrum gave me an idea. From now on, I will publish a unique and interesting fact about me for evey donation I receive. That way, you get something back for your donation. In fact, I'll even let you ask the question if you like. Otherwise, I'll make something up and answer it.

You haven't given me anything, so I'm not giving you anything.

So CNN does a story on cyberbegging this week and those bastards fail to mention my site. Man am I pissed. Then I check my answering machine and it turns out that a reporter from The Kansas City Star wants to ask me some questions for a similar piece he's doing. Pretty sweet. Once the story is published I'll post a link.

I've come to terms with the fact that no one else will send me their money, but now I've stopped getting e-mail too. Now that's just a shame. The least you can do is send me some hate mail.

This week a friend suggested to me that the reason I'm not getting any contributions is that I'm too "smug" and don't appear "needy enough". She thinks that people will only send me money if they feel pity, so here goes:

Please send me a dollar so I can have my third leg removed and donated to my deformed little brother who doesn't have any limbs and is slowly dying of some unknown cruise ship disease he contracted while volunteering at an old-folks home during this Thanksgiving the day before both our parents were crippled in a freak accident involving a clown car and a bus full of drunk-driving nuns with legal representation.

Disclaimer: Almost none of the above paragraph is true, sort of...

I'm not exactly sure what happened but things look bleak this week. I just don't understand how this Karyn chick can make $20,000, yet I can barely get $20. I've emailed her to ask, but no dice. She'd not spilling her secrets.

I still think there's a way though. I just need to get my message to enough people. So, while I figure out how to do that this week I'll leave you with a list of other "beggar" sites for you to browse at your leisure:

savekaryn.com
saveelaine.com
help4heather.com
savebuster.com
The Amazing Send Me A Dollar Website
Internet Squeegee Guy
The Society to Prevent My Employment
Make Me Richer Than Bill Gates
The B. Fat Lazy Scam
Two Academic Beggars
Send Me Thirty Thousand Dollars
Whitey Must Pay
Send Steve on a Holiday
1 2 3 Save Me
The Amazing Gimme a Buck Website
Buddy Can U Spare a Dime?
Buy a Bum A Brew
Buy Me an Eclipse Spyder - This guy should fail just for bad taste
Dollar Me
Dollar Donations
Ed Needs A Hummer
Foundation for Internet Begging
Guitar Kid
Help Ann
Help Julio
Help Me Get Out of Debt
Help Me Leave My Husband
Help Jennifer
Hummer Fund
Lend Me A Buck
Loan Me Some Money
Make Our Dream Come True
Online Without a Dime
My First Film
Pay My Taxes

I wonder why I'm not geting any donations...

I'm a little dissapointed about not getting any contributions this week, but I'm not very surprised. I slacked a little this week, with the Turkey-eating and all, and didn't promote the site as much as I should have. As a result, I only got 149 visits.

Next week will be different. I am going to set up the store so you can buy some nice T-shirts and mugs and things. They make a great X-Mas gift! A few more letters from you this week. Some nice, some not.

Hope you had as much to eat this Thanksgivig as I did! Don't forget to tell a friend about me, and in case you haven't yet throw a buck my way!

You know, I didn't really think I would get $1. I guess I was wrong. The total amount of contributions for my first week is $22.07 (After PayPal and Amazon fees). THANK YOU FOR CONTRIBUTING! The site got 246 visits from some very curious people. I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would!

There were, of course, some folks who did not approve of what I was doing and told me so. I got a few letters from people who expressed their outrage and told me that I was a coward for not asking for money on the street instead of on the Internet. Not sure I understand that. One person said they would report me to the IRS. Not sure for what exactly. I guess the site makes me seem like a penniless beggar sitting around watching TV and playing computer games with no job, no future, collecting unemployment and not paying my taxes. Does that sum it up?

The truth is, I have a full time job. I assure you that I am quite well-paid and pay my taxes accordingly. But, I DO enjoy the occasional computer game! :)